PINK FLOWER ON MY WALL

How long has it been?

2011-05-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I miss writing, but only sometimes.
I understand why I did it for so long and why I was so involved with it. I never thought of myself as a writer or someone who wanted to write, but I did dedicate a lot of time to writing and thinking about what to write. It kept me busy and it made me feel interesting. It was a way to vent and to share my experiences even though they don't mean anything to anyone but me. But sometimes it's nice to get the word out there. Sometimes I felt witty and smart for coming up with such a "good" post, but that's just it, I wasn't trying to challenge myself, I just felt better when they came out "right," and it got to the point where it was stupid focusing on something like that. But it was a distraction, and some distractions are better than others. I was thinking and when I wrote I think I had more memories, or at least I "treasured" things a little more or appreciated things. This whole time I've spent not writing has flown by and I don't know if it's because my life "settled" or because I'm not taking the time to appreciate the little things and find meaning and purpose in my daily life like I did before. Truth is, I might miss writing sometimes, but not enough to actually come back. Because I don't really miss the writing, I just miss the memories.

Did I tell you about the woman who bowed to me?

2010-06-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

She was Asian of course (only Asians bow, right?), and after answering a very simple question she had ("Where is the bathroom?", I was at work of course), she made a very slight bow. Last year, as in a year ago, in my Interpersonal Communications class an Asian girl talked about how there were different types of bowing (about how far the bow went in regards to how much respect was to be showed) and it was incredibly interesting because it's something we all know (Asians bow) but I had no idea different degrees actually had different meanings. So I was bowed to last night and it was definitely and experience and this is the type of thing that happens to me and then I feel like writing about even though I haven't written in months, longest absence ever.

Fish is still alive and more purple/pink than ever, if only he was a dog.

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. ~Chinese Proverb

Let me think of it this way

2010-02-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

You can't be successful at everything in life, and we can't really choose what we're going to be successful at. It's something that just happens, some people simply get lucky in certain departments. I got lucky in the love department, the one everyone wants and kills each other for, so I just have to live with being unlucky in other things. It's not so bad after all.

It's hard to detect good luck - it looks so much like something you've earned. ~Frank A. Clark

When life gives you lemons,

2010-02-03T16:47:00.001-08:00

you make lemonade.

But if life gives you guidance counselors,
YOU GET FUCKED OVER.

Lack of writing only means

2010-01-29T22:04:00.001-08:00

that:
1. I am very busy, or
2. I am having a good time.

So, both then. It's too easy to write about negative things, everyone knows that. But writing about the good things just kill me. It's so hard to put it into words, and then, when you do, it doesn't come out right at all. It's too hard to pass on that emotion so I never really do. But yeah, things have been going great, thanks for asking. Fish is still alive, I think he was just getting used to the new rocks or whatever. There are so many things I could write here right now, but I kinda don't wanna get into anything too specific, don't want to get in trouble! Also, I kinda think I "overwrote" myself on January 8. See, I spent all day flying, 11 hours to be exact, and I wrote like hell all that time. My goal was to fill up every single page in one of my old school notebooks, the ones with 70 pages, but it probably had like 60 (yeah, I only used like 10 for class, well, 5 for class, the rest for writing letters...). Anyways, I wanted to fill that whole thing up, and I wrote nonstop for as long as I possibly could, my hand hurting and everything, but I only managed to write 35 pages, without skipping a single line, so I think that's pretty good considering I overestimated myself thinking I could write around 60 pages by hand in 11 hours (more or less), I don't think anyone can do that really. So now I have this notebook half filled with thoughts and analyses and descriptions and observations, and I haven't really written anything since. It was definitely an experience and I just felt like writing even more, but it kind of backfired into making me lazy to write again. Oh well, who's going to read it anyways, right? I don't expect to publish anything in my life, I'm very much selfish with my skills. Sorry world, but I'm for me!

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch

Say Hello To Fish

2010-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hello Fish!

I got him last week because I can't get a dog, something's something, right? Well, he was doing just fine until a couple of hours ago. I changed his water and added the rocks and ever since he's been lying on the bottom all still (moving occasionally though) like so:

I assure you he is not dead, but I'm worried he might die so I kinda wanted to make a homage to him. If he dies I'm definitely buying another one, I spent like $15 on his stupid tank, food and the water drops thing-y...

Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. ~Author Unknown

This is too funny

2010-01-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

So I was just looking around an online newspaper, checking out some headlines, reading some articles, and I came across one that had to do with social networking sites and blah blah blah. Well, I didn't really read the whole thing, but I did read the 2nd to last paragraph talking about Twitter and how it was a "microblogging instrument." HOW... WHY. (Ok, I think my amazement at that stupid statement would be better understood if you knew how much I dislike social networking sites, ESPECIALLY Twitter for it's lack of purpose).

And then, to make matters worse, there was another article, a complete article, devoted solely to PMSBuddy.com. It's... interesting... stupid, insulting, funny, ridiculous. Seriously, just check it out yourself. WOW.

The Internet is full. Go away. ~Author Unknown

El lagartijo que no me llegó a ligar mientras me cambiaba en mi cuarto.

2010-01-04T05:55:00.000-08:00

Por alguna razón inexplicable, anoche había un lagartijo en mi cuarto. ¿Qué hacía en mi cuarto? ¿Cómo demonios llegó a mi cuarto? Ni idea, o sea, por Dios, mi cuarto está, no solamente en el 2ndo piso, sino que al final final, el último cuarto de la casa; aquí no hay pizca de comida y mucho menos insectos. Qué lo atrajo hasta acá, no sé. Quizás fui yo misma, estoy tan flaca que parezco una lagartija, pero aún así no creo que le haya caído tan bien. Créeme que después de encontrármelo encima de mi laptop justo cuando la iba a agarrar me hizo pegar uno de esos gritos de niñita (¡qué zángana!). ¿Qué hacer entonces para deshacerme de mi nuevo admirador? No lo voy a matar, yo no puedo matar a un animalito que pueda ver respirando. Ves, solamente he matado uno en mi vida y fue sin querer... lo pisé. Pero a los insectos no me importa, esos sí que lo que hacen es joder, y después con sus cuerpecitos duros y "crunchy", ¡qué asco! Esos los mato sin pensarlo dos veces, aunque después me sienta un poco mal porque solamente los estoy matando y robándoles de sus ya-cortas vidas simplemente porque me caen mal. Bueno, la cosa es que, al final de mi terrible odisea (no quería pasar la noche con un lagartijo en mi cuarto, ¿y si me salta en la cara a media noche?) el lagartijo se aguantó del escrín de mis ventanas (acabo de descubrir que "escrín" como tal no es una palabra...). Fue lo perfecto porque así lo quité para que tuviera acceso para afuera. El lagartijo coje el "hint" y se trepa a la ventana como tal. Yo abro la ventana un poco más para que quepa por entre medio y por fin se largue, pero el muy se asustó y saltó... Sé que cayó en las plantas porque escuché el impacto... pobrecito, tuvo que haber sido como una tremenda bofetada en su pequeño flaco cuerpo. En CA no hay lagartijos, los voy a extrañar... tampoco hay mosquitos, pero esos sí que los mando pal carajo rápido.

La vida es una tragedia para los que sienten, y una comedia para los que piensan. ~ Jean de La Bruyére

Is The One also supposed to be Mr. Perfect?

2010-01-03T12:08:00.000-08:00

It's possible to fall in love with a person that just so happens to NOT be exactly what you had in mind for yourself in the 1st place. Everyone searches for specific traits and characteristics in a person, but what if the person who has them isn't right for you (Mr. Perfect or Ms. Right) and you end up with the love of your life and the things they do that you hate (The One)? Who ever said that The One and Mr. Perfect were the same person?

Note: I am absolutely NOT hinting at anything about my personal life (see, this is what I hate about knowing people in real life who read my blog, I'm always afraid of writing something); I am simply bored out of my mind and this just so happened to pop into my head. I summon the spirits of entertainment to save me from my boredom!

Bad as I like ye, it's worse without ye. ~Irish Proverb

January 2nd

2010-01-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

After last night I've come to the conclusion that:
1. Friends make you fat and poor.
and 2. After a party, it's better to forget than to remember (right?).

It's a fact that friends make you fat, I read it in an article once. It's a social thing to go out to eat so then, not only do you get fat, but also poor cause food's expensive. Now, for the 2nd one, I am so done with alcohol, I don't even want to think about it. Unfortunately, I somewhat remember what happens/what I did after drinking, so I have all morning the day afterwards to hide under the covers in embarrassment. I mean, it's not like I do anything stupid, but still, I always manage to squeeze something embarrassing into my night.

So yeah, I had a party last night. It was ok I think, I don't know, I'm gonna leave it open for interpretations. What I can't figure out though is where the trash went, I can't find any trash at all around the house/backyard. Did people clean up a bit? No idea, cause I know I didn't but, then again, all the lights were turned off this morning so I must've done that but don't remember. I ended up waking up at 9 AM like clockwork thinking obsessively about the trash and whatnot, so stupid, haven't been able to go back to bed (it's noon now. I have blogger set up to Pacific, never got around to change it, so you'll see a discrepancy there). So, to distract myself (cause I really want to stop thinking about last night, I hate tv, and I finished reading the book I checked out 5 days ago yesterday) I started thinking about where I was today 4 years ago: I was 16, nervous and anxious and excited, swiping my "kid's account" debit card at a tattoo shop, getting my 1st tattoo (cause yeah, I have 2 now). How do you go from 16 to 20 so fast?

P. S. I just realized that the 1st part has no relation whatsoever to the rest. I don't even know how I ended up thinking about being fat and poor when I'm neither.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Green Grass

2009-12-31T06:34:00.001-08:00

If only you had known me when I was about to move for the 1st time in my life last year. I was so sure about everything, about how anything I did was going to come out perfect and absolutely nothing could go wrong. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Nothing went wrong, but it was still difficult. Doesn't working hard for something make it worthwhile? What makes things different now is knowing that the grass isn't greener there, it's just more grass. And it's kinda funny actually because, technically, the grass is greener here (it never rains there so it's always dry and yellow/brown). I already know how difficult things are going to be, having to start over. Man, our apartment is going to be so empty!

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there. ~Cecil Selig

How many clones of yourself would you have

2009-12-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

if you had the chance to have them?

In The Sixteen Pleasures, by Robert Hellenga, the main character said that, whenever she made a big decision, a life-altering decision, a "ghost" of herself would go on with the decision she didn't made, living the life she didn't pick. Right now I'd say I would have two "ghosts" of myself, one here, one there, living two completely different lives without missing a single minute of anything. Don't you think it sucks how we only get one life to live? How come some people get to experience some things but not us? Shouldn't we get a chance to experience everything we want, without having to sacrifice anything at all? I can safely say that I don't have any regrets about my life, and I'm not saying I'm starting now, but having to make life-altering decisions and wonder for the rest of your life the "what if.." is starting to bother me.

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes. ~Hugh Prather

Last Seconds and Earlier Hours

2009-12-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

There's nothing more annoying in this world than to be reading in public and have someone approach you:
"Hey, what you reading?"
"Uh, a book (if you can't tell by it's shape)."
"Cool, so what's it about?"
"Get a copy and read it yourself."

Because books aren't meant to be talked about as much as they are meant to be read. It loses everything, even the possibility to be read, if someone talks about it, because everything will most likely come out wrong. But that doesn't mean I don't talk about them every now and then.

The other day I was telling mom something about the latest book I was reading, something about the story and the author I just found interesting. A couple of days later mom came by and asked me what it was I told her about the book cause she was trying to remember but couldn't put her finger on it. For a minute I had forgotten it too, but then realized what it was. Later on, however, I couldn't put MY finger on why I couldn't remember, so I kept thinking about it and, after a couple of days, I finally realized why I couldn't.

What I told mom that day, and the reason it caught my attention on the 1st place, was a character in the story, dying slowly of cancer, and how the author must've had a personal experience with something like that because of how and what she wrote about it (unless she personally researched a dying person). But the reason I forgot about it was because, by the time mom came and asked me about it, the character had died a few chapters back; and whenever she was mentioned in the story I just thought about this totally normal person, as if all those pages I read about her terrible condition (both health-wise and appearance-wise) hadn't happened at all. Because after someone stops existing, or stops being part of your daily life, forever or for a limited time, for whatever reason, we can't help but remember them how they used to be before and not how they were on those last moments. Because, in the end, those last few seconds with each other don't matter as much as the earlier hours together.

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave. ~A.A. Milne

Sobre cómo mi nombre terminó en 2 proyectos

2009-12-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

El día de ayer fue como una enorme pesadilla, sólo recuerdo estar en cama con un calentón que nunca terminaba. Estaba enferma, BIEN enferma. En el doctor me diagnosticaron, no sólo un virus, sino EL virus, el virus del año, el cual no voy a mencionar por su nombre como tal porque en parte me averguenza un poco, ya que si me hubiera cuidado un poco más no me hubiera contagiado. Pues si, estoy infectada con EL virus, y ahora estoy en "cuarentena" de 7 días, encerrada en mi casa. ¿Y qué tiene que ver todo esto con que mi nombre está en 2 proyectos (de lo mismo) de la universidad?

Pues todo comenzó en agosto, el primer día de clases. Estaba super molesta y hasta un poco ofendida al verme rodeada de prepas en mi salón de clase. Yo, que ya estoy en 4to año, imposible estar con niños que no entienden nada de la vida todavía, de lo que significa tener un estrés constante que nunca termina. Así que, antisocial como soy, no le dirigí la palabra ni a una persona. Pero ves cómo se me complican las cosas, el profesor asignó un proyecto final en grupo para el último día de clases, o sea, hoy. Ya, de por sí, los proyectos en grupo son una mierda y una pérdida de tiempo, así que tener que sacar espacio para eso ya me complicaba la existencia. Si sólo eso hubiera sido mi único problema: ayer me han diagnosticado el famoso virus, lo cual impidió mi participación en el trabajo en grupo. Se los dejé saber con tiempo para que no contaran conmigo y luego hice yo uno completo, yo sola, y se lo mandé al profesor contándole lo sucedido.

Qué pasa: me llama uno de los de mi grupo 4 horas después de yo haber entregado el mío, 9 horas después de ellos haber entregado el de ellos, para decirme que pusieron mi nombre en el trabajo de ellos. Por qué hicieron eso, no sé. Acaso esta nueva generación es mucho más amable, pero ellos pusieron mi nombre aunque yo no hice absolutamente nada para que yo no me preocupara por nada ya que estaba enferma (o sea, 4 personas se pusieron de acuerdo en darle una nota "gratis" a la 5ta, miren la gravedad del asunto). ¿Cómo es posible que hayan confiado tanto en mi? ¡Si ni me conocen! Pero si, confiaron en mi y en mi palabra y pusieron mi nombre como si nada. Así que ahora el profesor va a tener 2 proyectos totalmente diferentes y mi nombre en ambos. Y ahora, si me averguenzo de algo, no es el haber estado cogiendo clase junto con "niños" durante todo un semestre, sino que me averguenzo de haber pensado tan mal de ellos, porque sé que si hubiera estado yo en la posición de ellos, fácilmente me olvidaba de esa "persona enferma" y que esa persona resolviera. Pero ellos, no solamente se preocuparon por mi, una perfecta extraña, sino que hasta me dijeron "Dios te bendiga." Wow, creo que después de esta los trabajos en grupo van a tener un nuevo significado para mi.

La suerte hay que esperarla, pero la victoria hay que conseguirla. ~Manuel Gómez-Brufal Flores

I can't believe I survived this semester

2009-11-30T05:50:00.001-08:00

Lying in bed, as the sheets set themselves around my body, I look forward to 5 hours of sleep. The sooner I go to bed the faster tomorrow comes and, even though I'm not getting enough sleep, the more tomorrow takes to come the better it is. Having to wake up at 5:20 every morning to go to class, then come home, nap, go to work, get home late at night; not a routine I'm fond of at all. But I have gone to bed late, I have gotten up at dawn, tomorrows have come and gone, and now December is a day away. With only a month and a week left here it's really hard to imagine myself having another life than this one. I have finally gotten used to this and it's going to change drastically yet again, for the better, but it's still change, and that's for the worst.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. ~Irene Peter

I dare not to write.

2009-11-27T15:21:00.000-08:00

Not because of a lack of things to say, but because I'm afraid I would feel guilty for anything that I publish. And the guilt I would feel would not be caused by what people will feel about what I write, it would be about making it public. Telling the world is only admitting it to yourself.

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~Cyril Connolly

So let's see

2009-11-21T19:00:00.001-08:00

All the things I've thought about writing but were either too lazy to do it or just didn't think it was good enough:

1. It all started after I read the oh-so-famous "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka: I thought about starting a new blog, but it would only be about the books I've read and what I think about them and such. I read a lot, and I'm pretty much the only person I know who reads as much as me, so that always leaves me all alone and with no one to talk to about the books I read. True, I could talk about them to anyone, but they wouldn't really get it unless they read it too so. But then I decided not to cause... I don't know, I just didn't think it would be that great of an idea.. But, actually, now that I'm thinking about it again it DOESN'T sound like such a bad idea after all.. hmmm.

2. Then on Monday I didn't go to a class for the first time in like 2 years, W-O-W. See, I never ever skip, or am late, so this was a first. So I thought about writing that, but see? There's nothing much to tell.

3. And last, but not least, I thought about writing about yesterday at work. About how much I not-like the Holidays and blah blah blah. And about how, at work, now they're putting on some of those dumb Christmas songs which just irritate me. But, that's not all, sung by children! Oh boy! It's hard, it really is, having to listen to that and still manage to smile at customers.

The End.
Now everyone knows what I've been officially up to and not writing about.

It is not necessary to accept everything as true, one must only accept it as necessary. ~ The Trial, by Franz Kafka

Waiting With Old People

2009-11-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

Three stories that include me, waiting my turn, and old people:

1. I was gonna get in line to pay so I ask this sweet old lady if she's in the line as well. She says no, that she's not, and then she starts talking to me about her son that died last year... What the fuck.

2. I'm going to pay when the cashier makes a comment about how tired she is. The old man behind me says that she should be grateful for having a job, that I (and points to me) probably wished I had one. Do I look like a hobo? I corrected his mistake by saying that, as a matter of fact, I have a job and that I go to school too, which the cashier seems to admire.

3. I'm sitting down waiting to be called. There's two empty chairs to my left and one to my right. An old woman appears and chooses the one on my right, putting her enormous ass, not only on her chair, but also on my skirt. Yes people, she sat on my skirt because she was that freaking close to me! Seriously!

I am old enough to see how little I have done in so much time, and how much I have to do in so little. ~Sheila Kaye-Smith

Letter to Jeff Made Public

2009-11-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I send letters to each other.
The rules:
1. It is not allowed to say when a letter is sent,
2. nor when one is received.
3. It is not allowed to talk about what is written in a letter,
4. nor to mention anything in an e-mail.
5. It is not allowed to change the rules created by Noelia,
6. so she can do whatever she wants in the end.

Estimated delivery date: Monday, November 9, 2009, at 6:15 AM.
Estimated arrival date: Thursday, November 12, 2009, at noon.

The one good thing about not seeing you is that I can write you letters. ~Svetlana Alliluyeva

Being Genuine Behind the Counter

2009-11-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

I have had 6 jobs in my entire life, including the one I have now. Every single one of them has a been completely different from the rest, but they all have had 4 things in common:

I got paid to be nice,
to be kind,
to be friendly,
and to smile.

At first you really do it, be kind I mean, because you're excited about your new job and you're deathly afraid of getting fired. Later on you realize that you're getting paid for it, so you start feeling a bit like a hypocrite. And lastly, you MIGHT just end up doing it genuinely because it actually starts to feel good.

Today I had a rather interesting talk with my boss and, in the middle of it, a client interrupted. I could see how fake she was so badly I almost even felt bad for the client who bought it all so blindly. But then I realized that it's, not only her job on the line, but her entire career. How can you build your life around being fake? It's when I'm surrounded by people like that, whose lives are obviously NOT what I want mine to end up like, that I start to panic about what my future holds. I already found The One in my life, now I have to find a career in which I can be genuine.

Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true. ~Robert Brault

Dear Jeff:

2009-11-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been just sitting on a bench outside or walking down a sidewalk when, out of nowhere, the sun comes out of the clouds and all it's rays are pointing straight at you? As if you're the only person it's shining on? ... Today I was thinking how we were once complete strangers to each other. Completely oblivious to each other's existence... and now ...

Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. ~Author Unknown

Sometimes I hate reading

2009-10-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

cause it makes me want to be a writer, to be completely (or at least somewhat) original. To make up characters and stories that are actually good enough to make it worthwhile reading. To come up with little phrases that sound so good, something that used to be so obvious will now have a different way of being itself because this certain person made it sound so much better. To simply be able to explain a personal experience and thought in a way that makes sense to everyone else.

They were good and they were bad. But they were different. ~ in The Good Guy, by: Dean Koontz.

I was torn between fear and desire - the fear of the unknown and the desire for the unknown. ~ in The Sixteen Pleasures, by: Roberte Hellenga

Es decir, la vida se da junto lo grande y lo pequeño. Pero como estamos siempre viviendo en lo pequeño no alcanzamos a darnos cuenta de qué parte de lo grande es lo pequeño que hacemos. ~ en El Baile de la Victoria, por: Antonio Skármeta

Una vez había leído que las cosas nunca son como suceden, sino como las recordamos, y Alejandra me estaba recordando que todo podía ser también como lo imaginemos. ~ en Libro de Mal Amor, por: Fernando Iwasaki

The piece I hadn't understood was that building a family is the most basic requirement for being a legitimate adult; it is the step required to prove that your life is evolving, your trajectory forward. Without this demonstration of your protogenerative power you're simply stuck in place, or maybe sliding backwards, becoming extinct. ~ in The Good Patient, by: Kristin Waterfield Duisberg

Una de las trampas de la infancia es que no hace falta comprender algo para sentirlo. Para cuando la razón es capaz de entender lo sucedido, las heridas en el corazón ya son demasiadas profundas. ~ en La Sombra del Viento, por: Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Hay ocasiones en que dejamos pasar una chispa de felicidad, un momento placentero que se nos escapa porque no sabemos identificarlo. Más tarde, cuando ya está lejos, somos capaces de reconocerlo. Lo echamos de menos sin haberlo vivido. ~ en Pasiones Romanas, por: María de la Pau Janer

All the times I have suddenly realized that my parents are dead, even now, it still susprises me, to exist in the world while that which made me has ceased to exist. ~ in The History of Love, by: Nicole Strauss

Lo suyo era sacrificarse por quienes tenía más cerca, y yo me preguntaba: ¿el sacrificio está del lado de la felicidad o del de la infelicidad? ~ en El Tiempo de las Mujeres, por: Ignacio Martínez de Pisón

We wish for a symmetry of feeling, but we rarely get it. It is painful to be the one who loves more, and painful to be the one who loves less. ~ in Breakable You, by: Brian Morton

Me fui a dormir con coraje

2009-10-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

y ahora tengo coraje porque no puedo dormir.

Son las 10:46 de la noche de domingo y tengo que estar levantándome dentro de 6 horas y 30 minutos. Me da coraje porque estaba cabeceando viendo televisión, se me cerraban los ojos y todo, y no hago nada más que subir las escaleras y hacer las pequeñas rutinas nocturnas y puff, se me espantó... llevo 2 horas tratando de conciliarlo y en verdad que con cada minuto que pasa me da más rabia. Las clases a las 7 de la mañana no serían tan malas ni tan difíciles si simplemente pudiera dormir... ¡quiero dormir carajo! Siempre ando con un humor perro y con unas ojeras de madre, y ahí es cuando a más gente me encuentro y más todavía deciden hablarme... a veces quisiera yo ser gótica para que la gente me coja miedo y no me hable.

En la vida humana sólo unos pocos sueños se cumplen, la gran mayoría se roncan. ~ Enrique Jardiel Poncena

What makes people want to have children?

2009-10-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

In the latest book I'm reading one of the girls goes through a stage in her teenage years where she wants to be as close to God as possible. She went to church everyday, to weddings and funerals, she got confessed two to three times a week, and she prayed nonstop. She wanted to talk to God and be as pure as she could possibly be and free of any sins to be able to do it. Then, later on, a man tells her she's just being ridiculous, that people who want to go to Heaven only have to avoid going to Hell. He said that you didn't have to make so many sacrifices or prove anything to anyone, you just had to have a good life dedicated to God while avoiding anything that might lead you to Hell. It made sense to me, it's pretty much what I live by only that I have never been able to put it into words, or at least the right ones. You only need to live good and do good and everything else will be good.

So then the girl decided that, instead of being a nun completely devoted to God and everything else, she wanted to have a family, a perfect family, dedicated to God. She wanted to be the perfect example of a Christian family, and she was dying to have a kid so that her dream would come true. She eventually got pregnant by mistake, but that's not the case. The case is this: What makes people want to have a kid? What's so great about them? What makes people go through complicated and costly medical procedures in order to have children? That's something I really don't understand at this point in my life. Children seem so needy and unappreciative, a burden even. I cannot tolerate people who are immature, so imagine a child who is nothing but. I want kids later on in my life, WAY later on, and hopefully this mindset will have changed by then, but I wonder how it will. I wonder what's going to change in my life, how my future's going to be, that will make me change.

Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to God for a faith lift. ~Author Unknown

About Certain Books and Certain Authors

2009-10-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

It always amazes me how male authors can write about women's experiences so... good, you know? You'd think they'd be clueless (or at least a little bit) towards how women's brains work, about how we think and feel, but they always manage to capture everything perfectly. In the latest book I'm reading the author writes in 1st person about some personal experiences these teenagers have and I liked how he focused on certain things that I had never even thought about in my entire life, and I'm a woman! I think that the mere fact that he's a man makes him wonder about things that I myself wonder about but towards the opposite sex. Wouldn't it be more logical to start wondering about yourself than about others?

On another note, I haven't made a list in a while so here's a list of the books I've read since I've been here (aka, 2 months and a half, more or less):
1. Pasiones Romanas; by: María de la Pau Janer
2. The History of Love; by: Nicole Strauss
3. Marina; by: Carlos Ruiz Zafón
4. El amor en los tiempos del cólera; by: Gabriel García Márquez
5. El tiempo de las mujeres; by: Ignacio Martínez de Pisón
(which I'm currently reading as of yesterday)

A dirty book is rarely dusty. ~Author Unknown

Just because you're wearing clothes doesn't mean you can do that in public

2009-10-12T15:07:00.000-07:00

Something my beloved and I enjoy doing together, as a couple, is to make fun of other couples: the way they hold each other for minutes on end, kiss each other in the most inappropriate places, and how they act around each other. Some people like going people-watching, we like going couple-joking. Just because you're fully dressed doesn't give you the right to be all over your significant other in plain view of the entire world. There are specific places design just for that, places that provide privacy. So here's to all those PDA lovers that give me something to laugh at.

A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself. ~Axel Munthe

Sobre Lapas y Sanguijuelas

2009-10-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

Las anteriores no se limitan al Reino Animal, también lo son humanos: hay personas que son lapas y hay otras que son sanguijuelas. Una de las razones por las cuales yo de verdad no socializo mucho con las personas en mis clases es porque siempre resultan ser o el uno o el otro. O se te pegan y nunca te dejan quieto, hablándote sin cesar sobre sus problemas y mierdas antes, durante y al final de la clase. O, peor aún, te chupan la sangre que se llama responsabilidad y sólo te usan para cuando faltan (que resulta ser mucho) y preguntarte, no solamente si hay asignaciones, sino por tus notas para copiarse lo que tu responsablemente apuntastes. A estas alturas de mi vida me hastia que me hagan esas cosas, por dios, ¡ya somos adultos de veinti-pico!

Los jóvenes van por grupos, los adultos por parejas y los viejos van solos. ~ refrán de Suecia

My 3 in 4 Lonely Friday Night Weakness

2009-10-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Together they make no sense, but apart they do.
- 3 in 4
- Lonely Friday Night
- My Weakness

I got 3 job offers in 4 days and, in this lonely Friday night and the following weekend, I have to think about which one I want the most, to later on face my weakness: turn people down!

How many things are there which I do not want. ~Socrates

Guille de Jueza

2009-10-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

Esta mañana realizé lo mucho que yo juzgo a las personas, las conozca o no:

En lo único que puedo pensar mientras estoy esperando el tren es en sentarme para poder soltar mi bulto y un libro bien pesado, cuando por fin éste se aproxima. Se abren las puertas, siento ese rico fríito que me va a acompañar por 15 minutos hasta llegar a mi parada y entro al vagón cuando me percato de que no hay asientos disponibles excepto 1, un único asiento que está siendo ocupado por unos papeles, libretas y lápices de un muchacho. Por darle asiento privado a sus cosas materiales decido aguantarme del tubo que está justo al lado de el para que se sienta mal por tener todas esas porquerías en el asiento e impedirle asiento a una persona (o sea, a mi). Maldiciéndolo en mi mente y a todos los pocos-hombres que no me cedieron un asiento, pasa una parada, y noto que el muchacho lo está recogiendo todo. Cuando por fin saca sus cosas del medio, no perdí tiempo y me senté en mi trono. Tan pronto me siento, esperando absolutamente nada de su parte, el muchacho me dice "Disculpe." No es "Perdón", "Perdona", ni "Disculpa", sino "DisculpE," como si fuera una mujerona de 60 años que demanda respeto y que la traten de "Usted." El hecho de que me haya hablado me sorprendió, y más aún con lo que me dijo, así que le tuve que preguntar qué había dicho y, por segunda vez, fue bien respetuoso conmigo, y yo acá pensando super mal de él.

Durante el resto del camino, sentada junto a él, me puse a pensar en lo rápida que fuí en pensar cosas feas de este pobre respetuoso muchacho y eso me hizo sentir un poco mal. Me he convertido en una de esas personas que se dedica a pensar mal de todo el mundo y a juzgarlos simplemente por sus apariencias y la manera de vestir. Así que, o dejo de estar pensando mal de la gente, o la gente empieza a vestir mejor y dar mejores primeras impresiones para no provocar pensamientos como los míos.

Por fin llego a mi parada y me bajo del tren, dejando atrás al muchacho. Camino hacia las escaleras, paso mi tarjeta, y camino hacia mi clase. Subiendo los últimos escalones que me llevan al maravilloso 4to piso noto que el salón está apagado y solamente hay como 3 personas fuera... el horror. Mi profesor no fue a la clase por 3era vez de lo que va en el semestre, ¡ese maldito! Tengo, por 3era vez, que esperar hasta las 10 para mi próxima clase, ¡3 horas! ¡Ese *&@(#&@*(!

Con la vara que midas serás medido. ~ Refrán de España (aparentemente)

Me as an Example

2009-09-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

This morning, in my MacroEcon. class I was definitely NOT paying attention. So what was I thinking about then, if not about what the professor was saying? Well, I started thinking about how much money I would give away to family (and possibly others non-related) if I won the lottery. I know right, how the hell do I even start thinking about something like that... and even worse, I was so into it too, probably like 10 mins. went by and I didn't even notice. So anyways, I snapped back to reality when the professor started talking about a trip she made to Cuba one time (I think it was work related... remember I wasn't paying that much of attention) and how she met this young Japanese girl who was nice and who looked like me. Me? Are you serious? I don't look ANYTHING Japanese, Asian, NOTHING! So everyone turned to look at my non-Japanese facial features. At least it wasn't as bad as the time my Media professor back in the spring semester compared me to a French woman with hairy armpits... let me fill you in:

I'm in class, listening to his life stories.
He was talking about a trip he made once to France
and about how "You just look around and see women dressed
like... like Noelia, and then they'd put their arm up and
they'd have a super hairy armpit, it was so disgusting to me
but it's normal there so."

P.S. In case you were wondering, if I win over $8 million in the lottery I'd probably give $1 million to my mother, $10 thousand to my brother but he wouldn't be able to touch it just yet (cause he'd spend it WAY too fast), a couple of thousands to the rest of my family, and probably $2 thousand more to a friend. The rest for me of course, and nothing for Jeff! But anyways, I just checked the jackpot for right now and it's at $12 million... See, I'm a giver.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law

I've worn Jeff's shoes

2009-09-22T11:07:00.001-07:00

He has 2 pairs, just 2: sneakers and flip flops. I remember when his sneakers finally broke last year so he wore his flip flops for 1 entire month. Then, he finally got around to buying a new pair, so now he still has 2. He hates shopping for shoes... and clothes, and socks, and underwear (unless it's mine). He only goes shopping for things when he really REALLY needs them, unless it's video games of course. Anyways, I tried them on once, just for a minute. They're like 2 sizes bigger than me, even though I'm taller than him. Even if I only wore his shoes once it sometimes feels like I'm wearing them all day, every day. I'm always putting myself in his position even though I don't have to. Every step he takes I step too. It's only natural, right? To feel as though you and your partner are 1. You don't want bad things happening to him cause it's like they're happening to you too.

I read a book once in which the main character's wife and daughter died in a plane crash. He hated himself because he didn't feel anything, he didn't feel the pain the 2 people he loved the most suffered, he didn't suspect anything at all, and he couldn't forgive himself for it.

Is it best to feel absolutely everything or feel nothing at all?

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. ~Ancient Persian Saying

Getting Influenced by Books

2009-09-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Last year I read a book in which one of the main characters was a ballerina. Come January, I take dance classes.
So now that I'm reading this other book and the main character posed nude and got paid for it, am I seriously capable of doing that?

Why should I paint dead fish, onions and beer glasses? Girls are so much prettier. ~Marie Laurencin

I guess deleting myspace is harder than I thought.

2009-09-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

It's ridiculous. A week ago I clicked where it said "delete your account", to what they asked "are you sure?" and I confirmed "heck yeah!" So what happens, it's still up! Apparently you don't DELETE it right then and there, you simply REQUEST for your myspace to be deleted... are you serious? It's up to them if it gets deleted or not, they have to send you a confirmation email (which I haven't received yet and it's been a week!) in order for it to be fully deleted. SERIOUSLY, it's just a stupid myspace page.

So then that leaves me with facebook, which I still have up as well. This one I actually managed to deactivate (cause you can't fully delete it..) for a couple of days, but I felt the obligation to put it back up cause my school keeps having strikes and whatnot and I need to be informed cause I don't want to wake up at 5:30 in the freaking morning to go to school for absolutely nothing. So yeah...

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. ~Milton Berle

7 AM Classes

2009-09-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I have class at 7 AM four days a week, YAY! Well, you know what's worse than that? Having your professor skip! Yes, people, he skipped... and my next class was at 10. So, instead of waiting the usual hour and half (which I usually kill eating something and reading the newspaper), I had to kill three long hours. The horror, and it's the 2nd time that happens...

On another note, you know what really bothers me? It really bothers me when people go up/down the stairs right in the middle or on the left. Don't people know it's on the right? You're supposed to go up and then down always to your right, so that there's a nice flow of people going up and down and you don't bump into anyone in the way.

So, to give it a happy ending, on my way back home today I was thinking about the day I met Jeff. I swear to God he wouldn't stop staring at me, it was so funny. He wrote back in April, and I quote: "(I remember)... I was called out for staring at my wife in asking why do you keep staring you'll creep her out, then getting embarrassed for it." (Of course he's stretching the truth with the wife part, but that's just cause he's so in love with me). Any who, it was funny... well, for me at least. I bet he's smiling right now reading this and thinking: "Ay Noelia, why did you put that there!"

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

I got home last night to an empty house

2009-09-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

And I woke up this morning to an even emptier one.
It's disgusting.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. ~Bill Watterson

Garbage is not the waste

2009-09-08T17:48:00.000-07:00

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Messenger...
Could our lives possibly revolve around things that are stupider?!

Of course, at one point in my life I thought that was the IT thing to have, that that's what was important, a way to prove to whoever was in your profile that you had friends and that you were fun and that you were you. But now it feels more like a burden. I always figured I was going to get rid of them eventually. Well, I'm 20 and I definitely am by the end of the week (do note that I never had Twitter to begin with, now THAT is too idiotic for me). But I DO admit to falling victim of the rest, always a competition to have the most friends (cause apparently that made you look popular), to be the highest up in people's top friends list (cause that meant total success)... ugh.

So now the real question comes in: What the heck am I gonna do when I go online if I won't have those "social" networking sites to waste time in?!

Freedom means choosing your burden. ~Hephzibah Menuhin

Forgiveness!

2009-08-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

I was actually looking for a complete episode but couldn't find it. So I'm gonna post this scene that always gets me.

Socially Awkward

2009-08-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

In my quest to make friends and, therefore, get a social life since my romantic life is far, far, far, far away, I have given a shot to reconnecting with my old friends: talk. about. hard.

Today I had lunch with two friends... or people who used to be my friends. It's not like I expect them to become my best friends again, but geez, why do they have to make it so awkward? I was only gone for a year... to California, to live with a guy... and they're still doing the same thing they were doing when I left... huh. At first I thought they were going to give me a bit of a hard time cause I have sort of fallen behind in school, which I don't really care about, but they would have fun repeating over and over since they obviously feel the need to make themselves feel productive; but they were just being a bit irritating by talking about nothing but stuff they were going to do, parties they were gonna go to that I am (obviously) not invited and not going to, why do people do that?

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna go to this party, gonna be super cool, but wait, you're not going, I shouldn't be talking about this then cause I don't want to make you feel bad... doesn't matter, I'm gonna keep talking about it cause I want to prove that I'm doing something fun"..??

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes point the finger at me to see if maybe I'm expecting too much or am doing something... wrong? or bad? God, I don't know.. We'll see how it goes with the rest of the veterans.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

Friends = People Who Like You

2009-08-20T16:42:00.001-07:00

In my attempt to revive my social life (because, believe it or not, I used to have one), I've been trying to connect with new people and reconnect with old friends.

Pick either one, they're both hard.

Meeting new people is incredibly hard for me: I HATE SMALL TALK. I realized it not too long ago that I despise talking about little things. I like to talk about the juicy stuff: the private details, the little adventures, the deep dark secrets. That's what matters, and that's what stops me from meeting new people. Who the hell is gonna talk about drugs, sex and alcohol with someone they just met?

Getting in touch with old friends can be even harder: they're old friends, so they know your past, and do I really want to go back to that? Do I really want to explain to them what I've been up to and, more importantly, why I'm in PR and not in CA? It's a touchy-y subject for me and, depending on the person, I might just lie to them instead of telling them the whole truth. Would that be starting things off on the wrong foot? We'll see...

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~Harrison Ford

Encounters

2009-08-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

As an adult-in-the-making, there's nothing I hate more in this world than running into someone (or someone-s) you haven't seen in years, while looking (and feeling) like warm, wet, shit. Although I didn't technically stop to chat about the latest things in our lives, I did feel, however, rather stupid right after I walked passed them, waved retardedly (I was literally walking right in front of them) and then go stand super far (even though we were getting on the same train) and sit even further away, to end up getting off at the same stop, walking towards the same direction, and then there's me, trying to speed away so I can forget about this terrible ordeal only to drive right in front of them. Joy. Now I feel the need to redeem myself! And you know what that means?! That means (for me): wear cute clothes until I run into them again (you know how long until then? It might be days, weeks even!), always be on the lookout, have an excuse already formulated in my mind explaining why I acted the way I did that day and, last, but not least, keep thinking endlessly about it, about how much easier it would've been if only I had done the simplest thing in the world: stop walking.

He who wants a quote for this entry shall go look for one himself. ~ I'm not in the mood today.

Blue Ink

2009-08-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started using pens I always leaned towards black: it just seemed more... right. But, for some reason, ever since this semester started all the pens I grab end up being blue. So here's a tribute to the color blue.

Regina Spektor - Blue Lips

Feelings Are Repetitive

2009-08-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Don't you think so? The same ones just keep popping up over and over again at different times and at different places. They feel like new ones cause we're at a different point in our lives, so they might feel bigger and a lot worse. But it's the same thing, just with different reasons. I was thinking about it today, no particular reason to that, but I started thinking about all of those times I have lied down on this very bed and stared at the same ceiling. How many times has it been? Just staring at it and thinking about where I am in life and how things are turning out. Sometimes I feel happy and satisfied and others just upset and frustrated. If the ceiling were a mirror, what would I see?

Sadness flowers to the next renewing joy. ~Jareb Teague

Yeah, it was fun

2009-08-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

It WAS fun living in that stupid studio, but just cause you were there, that studio sucked. We had good times... it's like, whenever people say that living with your partner is hard and it's a lot of work... I dunno about them but I enjoyed it, it wasn't torture. There's more good memories than bad ones; we barely argued at all and you did everything I told you to do so that was pretty awesome. I try to put it all behind me so I don't think about it and torture myself, but then you said that today and I want it all back, I want it again. It's only been 9 days, 9! Not even 10! This sucks so bad.

Be careful who you meet on the internet, you might just end up wanting to marrying them. ~Me

I wore jeans today

2009-08-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

I hadn't worn jeans in four weeks, count them, 4! Until today that is; and yes, it IS possible to go four weeks without wearing jeans in 2009 (well, willingly at least). I felt so mainstream though, it was weird.

Jeans and toilet paper have taken over the world! ~ Me

This is it guys

2009-08-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

Jeff and I are both living back at our parents' houses like complete failures, but we're not! We're only making sacrifices for the near future. We're going to be saving up a lot of money by not having to pay rent AND, by the time we get together again, one of us will have finished school and started their career, and that's going to be soon! That's going to be our motivation, so let's stop feeling sorry for ourselves! This is like those things they say "If you love someone you have to let them go", only that for us it's more like "If you love someone and want to have money, you have to let go to do long distance for a year, finish school, and then get back together again." So it's actually better than the 1st cause we get back together.

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it. ~Sidney Howard

I saw the big dipper

2009-07-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

I was flying past it, and I surprised myself at how easily recognizable it is. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever identified a constellation before; I always thought you’d need a telescope or knowledge about where they are and how to find them. But there it was, right next to me, huge, ready to catch all the tears I was leaving behind. And yes, I cried a lot even though I tried not to. I tried to lie to myself, to make myself believe that I was only leaving for a couple of weeks, just like before, but I couldn’t, I know better than to lie to myself like that. It’s like, the minute I try to “tell” myself something my other me is yelling in the background saying how stupid I am to say something like that, that we all know it’s not true, that I’m going to be away much more than just a couple of weeks. And try as hard as I could, I managed nothing but to cry even more. I’m a crier, surprisingly… it’s what love does to you, it makes you cry a lot, it makes you vulnerable to so many sensitive feelings… and to think I practically never cried before… so hard to believe.

The stars are the street lights of eternity. ~Author Unknown

Banana Split

2009-07-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

I had my very 1st banana split today, it was gooood.
Before having my very 1st banana split in my life I stood in line at a recycling place to get some cash for some cans and bottles (mostly beer cans and beer bottles). It's a rather gross place, with gross people... and there was this guy that was flossing his teeth while standing in line, SERIOUSLY, disgusting.
Before standing in line at the recycling center I fell asleep for three hours on my bed because I was TIRED as hell.
Before falling asleep for three hours I was at soccer. Today was better than other days, I actually go to touch the ball! (With my feet of course, touching a soccer ball with my hands would be stupid and downright embarrassing, which already happened like on the 2nd week and I learned my lesson).
Before playing soccer I had gotten home at three in the morning and was sleeping.
Before going to sleep after getting home at three in the morning I was at the movie theaters watching the premier of the latest Harry Potter movie.
Before going to the premier I was at home reading a book for like four hours straight.
And so my life keeps going on backwards because it's more interesting that way.

Hablar es de necios; callar es de cobardes; escuchar es de sabios. ~en La Sombra del Viento, por Carlos Ruiz Zafón

About Serious Relationships

2009-07-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

You know what's weird about being in such a serious and close relationship? It's that sometimes I forget that there's actually two people and not just one pair. I forget that this person here with me is making the choice to stay with me every aching minute of every day; that this person is not obligated to be here, but that he simply wants to because he cares about me and loves me that much. But then there's days I remember that this other person is not an extension of me, that he sometimes makes decisions I wouldn't make, and do things that I wouldn't do. So when something like that sets us apart, it feels weird, that one of us is not in the same page as the other, sometimes not even in the same sentence. It might be upsetting and even infuriating, but at the end of the day you realize that what's important in a relationship is just being able to work together to make it a team again and not a competition.

Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable. ~Kenyan Proverb

So... I quit

2009-07-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, it feels so weird. Well, technically I still work for my company, but I already told them I wanna quit and I'm writing my letter of resignation right now. It feels so weird, it's like I'm finally liberated from that hell hole... I am no longer an interpreter (worst job I've ever had). It was interesting, good stories, lots of stress and hatred though, it wasn't cool at all. My left ear is totally messed up (well, it feels fine, but it must have something wrong with it after like over 100 hours of using the phone on that side.. oops). Anyways, the out-of-nowhere resignation came when I got payed SHIT today, it's retarded, I work an extra hour and got paid $100 less than when I started working there. Of course, I was furious, and the thought of having to deal with retarded people (though not really retarded, just stupid), and having to use my "oh my gosh, let me kiss your feet!" tone of voice, ugh, I definitely learned a lot of things from that job, especially that I don't ever want to be an interpreter again! So here's to no more work! Woo!!!! So what the heck am I going to do today?! I have seven hours ahead of me here alone in my apartment... might as well clean. See, that's the thing, I would rather clean than work, ha!

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers

Counting Days

2009-07-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

The days are numbered and the weeks are few, it's when we start to feel obligated to have a good time because soon there will be none. Twenty-five days, insignificant at other times but crucial now... it's all we have left before we won't see each other again for lengthy months and hourly phone calls. It's the time when we don't care how much money we spend as long as we're spending it together, doing something together, enjoying our last few days together. For separation is going to be painful and it's going to be long. The missing is going to cause heartache but there is nothing to be done. Counting days is never fun unless you're going to see someone, but never when you're going to be gone.

Saving lives is not fun

2009-06-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

I hate getting 911 calls for my job.
It's so nerve-wrecking, I sorta freak myself out sometimes cause it's not like I've ever even dialed that number myself, you know? It's just scary, I don't want to mess up something stupid, like interpret things wrong or whatever, or have to ask them to repeat... ugh. How do people even want to be doctors.. having so many people depend on you is not fun.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? ~Author Unknown

What 3.5 days without internet does to you

2009-06-25T19:55:00.001-07:00

So I spent 3.5 days with the boyfriend's family up in a cabin in a mountain for their family vacation. It was weird. I mean, it's something you never really think about, but the way other families function is always so different to your own, you can't help but be amazed, or weirded out, whichever. I guess that's our biggest difference, our upbringing, and it's also how most of our arguments get started. Have you ever wondered what your priorities would be if you actually chose them? Think about it, how much of yourself is really you and not just what your parents chose for you during your entire life? I don't know, it always feels weird for me when I spend a lot of time with a different family.

Any who, they didn't have internet up in that mountain (kind of obvious), so I spent all that time without internet, and yes, I survived. Of course, I get like 130 emails, 99% of them spam, and some stupid magazine company charged me $22 for a subscription I never signed up for (seriously, free-trials are a bitch, never take advantage of them, it's not the 1st time they charge me and I have to call back and bitch about it to get my money back). But, other than that, it wasn't that bad, or at least as bad as I thought it was going to be. "WOW, so harsh! What if her boyfriend reads that!" Trust me, he knows everything. He got handed a letter by me, it was funny, his reaction was priceless. See, we write letters when we get angry with each other, the exact opposite of what you're told to do, but it totally works for us, so leave us alone. So, basically, we argued there, without any privacy, it sucked, but it was over quick, the problem went away with some ice cream and red (chilled) wine (don't ask). And, in the end, I'm allergic to nature.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. ~Robert Orben

Don't say you're sorry, just do it better!

2009-06-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

Ah, soccer. There's nothing better than just running after a ball and not being able to grab it with your hands. In my quest to discover my "athletic talent" I've taken almost every sport imaginable since I was a kid, and this time I'm taking soccer. For this summer I traded in my tights and.. well, a shirt (that's all I would wear for dance), for a pair of cleats, shin guards, super long and tight socks, and a throbbing pain on my calves. Of course the coach already knows my name, and obviously the title is what he shouted to me today across the field (... embarrassing), but it's all part of the fun: the running, the kicking, the hurting, the sweating, and the waking up at 7 AM four days a week.

I get a kick out of soccer. ~Author Unknown

On the 1st day of summer my true love gave to me

2009-06-07T20:18:00.000-07:00

Ok ok, so I don't know when the "official" first day of summer is, but who cares. My summer is as follows:

1. Take soccer.
Unlike Dance classes, I'm actually going to sweat on this one. And it's 4 times a week, not just two; and it's at 8 AM, not 5:30 PM...

2. Get cable.
In the absence of school and homework, Netflix won't suffice my need for entertainment.

3. New job schedule.
So I can work 3 days a week instead of 4, more time for nothing!

4. Buy new phone.
I'm gonna get an LG Dare! Thus making me the only PRican with Verizon Wireless when I go back home.

5. Quit job.
I have to quit since I'm moving back home anyways, so MAYBE why not quit a little sooner?!

6. Go shopping
Stock up on clothes from stores that are not back home. Yay "uniqueness"!

7. Road-trip.
HOPEFULLY: I can't have possibly lived in California for 1 year and not have gone to LA... JEFF!

A life without love is like a year without summer. ~Swedish Proverb

Dirty Laundry

2009-05-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Funny story:
Jeff decided to do laundry one day at his parents' house. What happens, his grandmother decides to do it for him (without asking him) and ends up washing our dirty laundry (including my dirty underwear!). Talk about mortifying. What happens next? We go to his parents' house for the day and his mother greets me with one of my panties! Oh. My. Gosh. I almost wish I wore g-strings.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. ~Janet Lane

Success

2009-05-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

Success

Success

SUCCESS!

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get. ~Author Unknown

Movies!

2009-05-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

I have watched 21 movies at home and 9 on the internet through Netflix in the course of 3 months, all due to my lack of cable. Wow, that's a lot of movies. Shall I name them all? Of course, I'm bored:

DVD's:
1. Spanglish (had seen it already)
2. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
3. Maldeamores (had seen it already, in Spanish)
4. Memento
5. Ghost Town (fell asleep)
6. Punisher: War Zone (fell asleep)
7. Lars and the Real Girl
8. Family Guy: Blue Harvest (Star Wars.. boring)
9. Burn After Reading (fell asleep)
10. Role Models
11. Children of Men
12. Borat (had seen it already)
13. Yes Man
14. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (it's not a porno)
15. Waiting...
16. Y tu mamá tambien (in Spanish)
17. Garden State
18. Elsa & Fred
19. Mulholland Drive (fell asleep)
20. Bedtime Stories
21. Amores Perros (in Spanish)

Online:
1. Dan In Real Life (had seen it before)
2. Some Girls
3. Pan's Labyrinth (in Spanish)
4. Sex and Lucia (in Spanish)
5. Lovers of the Arctic Circle (in Spanish)
6. A Very Long Engagement (in French)
7. Antares (in German)
8. Dot the I
9. FernGully: The Lost Rainforest (had seen it before)

He tenido dos noches corridas cabronas.

2009-05-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

El jueves por la noche estaba tan adolorida de todas partes: tenia dolor de regla, dolor de cabeza, y la espalda baja me estaba matando. Me espacié como por media hora en lo que Jeff.. bueno, ni recuerdo lo que estaba haciendo. Me desperté tantas veces más durante la noche, fue terrible. Y, para completarlo, ese matre es una gran mierda, está hundido en el centro y hace que dormir duela y moleste. Anoche fue completamente diferente. Jeff me puso a beber cerveza... y que cerveza, yo bebo o vino o alcohol, pero cervezas son para hombres. Qué pasa: me despisté y me quedé dormida profundamente en el sofá, sin haber tomado gota de agua. Recuerdo que Jeff me cargó, tan pesada yo, hasta la cama (suerte para el que vivimos en un estudio). Luego me desperté a las cuatro de la mañana porque el muy inteligente no prendió abanico ni nada y me estaba muriendo del calor. Así que abro la puerta corrediza, tomo un poco de agua, y me acuesto con un dolor de cabeza demente. Me dormí por unas cuantas horas, pero el dolor de cabeza estaba increible. Sea la madre de las resacas ("hangover"), especialmente cuando tengo que trabajar... el tener que traducirle a Mejicanos retardados con un dolor de cabeza: una pesadilla. Pero bueno, ya se acabó el día de hoy. A ver con qué me sorprende esta noche del sábado.

La noche es la mitad de la vida y la mejor mitad. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, escritor alemán.

I had one of those days the other day

2009-05-22T21:17:00.001-07:00

One of those days when things feel like a memory. It's when you realize, when you're sitting on a bench, watching people walk by, that this, THIS, is not going to happen again, not the same way, not at the same time, ever again. I know that that's pretty much what life is, but it just felt different. I felt like I should grasp everything and savor it one last time before I left, but I didn't. It's stupid to think so much about it, what's so special about it anyways? It was the last day of school, and I think the fact I felt like that because a year ago I did the same thing: I sat on a bench at my old school and just looked at people walk by. I remember thinking how things were never going to be the same again and, of course, they haven't. So, this time around, I'm sitting at another bench, at another school, thinking the same thing. Next year, it's going to be yet another school (geez, how many more am I going to go to!).

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde

It's kind of depressing to know

2009-05-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

that I'm going to be crying my eyes out in a couple of months, in public, at an airport. What is it with me and crying at airports? Is it possible to think of a place that's even more crowded? Oh yes, I know, another airport. Unfortunately, a flight from here to there has me stopping at either DFW, ATL, or JFK, woohoo. Is it common (or at least acceptable) to see people cry at airports? I never see anyone else but me, kinda sucks to be the only one. Everyone's always traveling for leisure or work, excited or serious. But me, I'm always upset. So, here's to the countdown to a very long and sad trip back home: 2 months.

To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. ~Aldous Huxley

I confess

2009-05-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

I can be a little bit of a snoop sometimes. I might pop-up out of nowhere, asking random questions, get the information I want out of people, you know, just to see how things are working out for them. So I think it's funny when people start doing it to me, as if I didn't know the tricks of the trade.

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. ~George Moore

VOLUME PEOPLE

2009-04-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

I hate neighbors. Sometimes I wish I could live in some small hut out in a mountain so I wouldn't have to deal with stupid neighbors. Right now I'm being forced to listen to disgusting Hip Hop or whatever type of music (which I clearly hate) because my oh-so-kind neighbors have their stupid stereo super loud. I would totally tell them to turn it down or something, but they scare me cause they're like ghetto or something... Ugh. I wish I had a stereo to compete. I think I'm just going to put the TV volume super high or... maybe I can find a way.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi

4 days a week

2009-04-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

this is what I have to deal with. Today, while bored working, I wrote down the profiles of my FAVORITE type of people who call for assistance with the English language.

1. Re-re-re-re-re-re-repetitive
When asked a question, this person will tell the entire story over and over again. They will never give a short (and right) answer. Total waste of time.

2. The High and low
This person starts out speaking EXTREMELY loud and, gradually, ends up muttering something extremely low. Why is that? It kills my ears.

3. The Anxiety Attack
Speaks super fast, seems mad, aggressive, in a terrible hurry, completely non-understandable. Of course, that never worked out for anyone (hence why patience is a virtue), they end up having to repeat everything all over again.

4. Mr. I-love-to-interrupt
Self-explanatory, this person loooooooooooooooooves to interrupt, doesn't matter who's talking, BOOM, there he goes interrupting and pissing me and the client off. Seriously, wait for your turn!

5. The Spanglish Dictionary
If I had a dollar for every made up word I heard I'd make more than what I get paid. These people don't speak either Spanish or English anymore, they make their own. You have to be really creative to come up with unique original words, they are so talented!

6. The Incompetent Communicator
These people don't know how to communicate. At first, that may seem weird since they're talking and getting the message through, but they don't know how to explain things, they keep changing their stories, and they especially don't know that pausing is like a green light for the other person to start talking; so they pause and then start talking about after like a minute.

7. The "I don't know"
So when you call someplace, you know why you're calling and such, right? Well, this person does not. This person grabs the fun, dials a random number and goes from there.

and last, but not least,

8. The "I don't know anything at all"
Unlike the "I don't know", the "I don't know anything at all" at least knows why they're calling, HOWEVER, they don't know their address, their phone number, or even how to spell their name. GO TO KINDERGARDEN!

Yay work! I finally understand why Customer Service is so valued by employers, it sucks! And I'm great at it! Go figure.

The difference between a smart man and a wise man is that a smart man knows what to say, a wise man knows whether or not to say it. ~Frank M. Garafola

Can someone please explain to me

2009-04-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

how it is possible that it was so hot that I wore shorts on Monday and went to the beach on Tuesday, and then so cold I wore a red coat on Friday night. How is it possible?! I hate the weather here... I was so excited that it was finally getting warm, and then it gets cold again! NoOoOoOoO!

Out with the cold, in with the woo. ~E. Marshall, "Spring Thought"

Well, I've decided

2009-04-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Since I'm going to be "stuck" with this job for quite some time, I might as well look at the bright side. And no, I don't mean the good money I make (although that is one HUGE motivation to stick with it), I mean all the good things this job has provided to me. Like, for example, I can talk for hours and hours now and my voice is not going to die (as if I was a talkative person in the 1st place, but hey, might come in handy). And also, my short-term memory has gotten better (not that it wasn't that great, but it's way easier to remember things rather than having to write EVERYTHING down, you know?!). Ok, so that's pretty much the only 2 things I can think of, not much, but whatever, just trying to not hate my job as much.

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Attributed to both Vidal Sassoon and Donald Kendall

You'd think I'd be good at keeping journals

2009-04-16T20:27:00.001-07:00

But the truth is that I suck at it. I think of journals as a place to write down your feelings, the ones that suck the most, to get them out of your system; blogs are more about sharing experiences, your beliefs, and your life. It's more of a "happy" gathering of your thoughts, whereas, my journal, all black and ugly on the outside, hardcover, holds just that in the inside: all these feelings of frustration and stress, anger and sadness. I see all these cute and colorful journals at stores and, even though I feel tempted to grab one, I know I wouldn't write a thing in them, they're too cute to hold the truth. I've always wanted to finish a journal, actually write in every single page; I always promise myself that I'm going to write every single day, but I never do, I fail miserably at it. Where, in this blog, I make like 10-ish entries a month, I make one or less in my journal.

Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember. ~Seneca

The Funny Thing

2009-04-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

You know what's really funny? That I keep getting praised for my patience at work. IF ONLY THEY KNEW! I guess I can keep a good tone of voice without showing my true colors, cause I bent my pen (heyyyy, it's cheap plastic!) with my frustration once... not too proud. But hey, what they don't know won't hurt them! It's still a shame, though, that I do so well in this job that I don't really enjoy so much...

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience. ~Author Unknown

When did people stop standing up for themselves?

2009-04-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Seriously, since when do we live to make others happy? Whatever happened to believing in what you do and STICKING TO IT. Cause if we're going to change ourselves for every little thing that happens to avoid conflict, then you are not a real person after all.

"Oh, I don't believe in God, but I'll go to church just to make you happy!"

Yeah, no. Why can't I just be myself and have people respect me for who I am anymore? Since when did it become "rude" and "disrespectful" to not please others?! I already made a sacrifice on my part by taking the day off and risking getting fired for your little wishes, isn't that enough?!

I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. I will be rich by myself, and not by borrowing. ~Michel de Montaigne

The Best of Both Worlds

2009-04-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

(I swear to God this has nothing to do with Hannah Montana).

There will always be a decision we didn't make that will left us wondering if maybe that one was the best way to go after all. And, with time, we kind of get used to the idea that there's no point in wondering anymore, we have to make whatever we chose WORK. If it doesn't, then there's more options along the way but, for the meantime, let's not think about the easy ways out, and concentrate on this way in.

So when you have two options right now, both have awesome Pro's and terrible Con's, what the heck are you supposed to do? It's like a win-lose situation: you either live in a place that's going to... pretty much suck; OR go back from where you came from without everything you have worked so hard to get and make happen.

While some people call it a "sacrifice that you must take", it's more like a decision that's going to change everything drastically. A sacrifice is just a word used to make things seem better, but how can I see it like that if both seem just as bad?

Conscience whispers, but interest screams aloud. ~J. Petit-Senn

Ugh... Food

2009-04-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

So here's what happened:
It's 8:30 p.m., or at least it was, it's like 9:15 p.m. now, as I am writing the beginning of this blog. And I'm starving.
So I decide to make myself something quick, pasta, of course. But, I ran out of parmesan cheese.. what's pasta without parmesan cheese!? Nothing, that's what. I find some garlic in the fridge and decide it's a "cool" idea to put some garlic in the marinara sauce. I mean, garlic goes great with pasta, marinara sauce goes great with pasta, it's a totally win-win situation. It smells great, I'm thinking "Man, this is going to taste awesome! Forget that parmesan cheese!" Everything's done, I'm hungry, the food smells great, I take my first bite... GROSS. Seriously, tasted like crap. I don't get it, it all smelled and looked great... If the world depended on my awesome cooking skills there would only be like 5 recipes. So now, at 9:25 pm, I'm making myself some baked potato... sigh.

There are no perfect men in this world, only perfect intentions. ~Pen Densham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

No Hay Felicidad Completa

2009-03-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Qué óspera (de hecho, extraño decir eso). Por qué tenemos que ser tan acomplejados que no podamos disfrutar de lo que sí tenemos y concentrarnos en lo que no, en lo que nos hace falta, en lo que teníamos. Pensarás que a esta edad ya tendría una idea de cómo va a ser de ahora en adelante: nunca lo voy a poder tener absolutamente todo, así que hay que bregar con lo que tenga. Pero, por alguna razón, aún sigo pensando que sí, que lo debería tener todo, ¡me lo merezco! Desgraciadamente, como no se puede tener todo, hay que hacer sacrificios, hay que tomar decisiones, hay que escoger el futuro de tu vida en un capricho. ¿Será el capricho algo mental, una mania que nos montamos nosotros mismos? ¿O es, tal vez, esa pequeña voz, dejándonos saber que ya es hora de un cambio?

Felicidad no es hacer lo que uno quiere sino querer lo que uno hace. ~Jean Paul Sartre (1905-1980), filósofo y escritor francés.

Why do you think music makes you happy?

2009-03-29T20:57:00.001-07:00

(I know, I'm on a roll today!)

Well, I was thinking, how can music make you relax and feel better? I start listening to music and it's like all these memories all of a sudden, of people, places, events, it takes me back to a moment where I was enjoying myself and having fun. Almost every song in my playlist reminds me of someone or something, of a time in my life. Without noticing, I made my playlist remind me of all the good times I've had with the people that meant a lot to me. So I was thinking of writing it down, each song with each meaning. It's going to take me time, that's true, but remember:

No cable + Homework = a weird little project that's going to entertain me for hours.

"Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever "
~ Strawberry Fields Forever, from The Beatles

Reminds me taking the bus from UPR to San Juan, walking down the streets with my friends, buy beer at the gas station and go to the beach to drink. I had this song stuck in my head at the time and kept singing it, everyone kept telling me to shut up... hey, I'm a good singer!

How to Drink More Water

2009-03-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

Water is good for you, duh. So here's my own little tips (based on true life experiences) on how to make yourself drink more water.

1. Live in an extremely dry place.
Trust me, you cannot make it an entire night without getting up to get water because your throat gets so dry.

2. Be poor.
Back home, Coca Cola or Pepsi would only cost like .89 cents (funny, I can't find the symbol for cents...), or even .75! Extremely affordable. Now, here in California, Coca Cola/Pepsi is ALWAYS $1.50. You tell me.

3. Have a "voice demanding" job.
I got the most useful advice ever to drink lots of water during work after losing my voice after my 1st week on the job. Turns out, you actually get dehydrated from talking, so you have to drink loads.

Now, the downside of this is that, since I don't really have anything in the apartment to drink other than water, imagine how gross it is to eat:
- popcorn
- pasta
- pizza
- hamburgers
- doritos/cheetos
- peanuts
- basically food
with water! It's so gross I try to not think about it. But it's a mental thing, right!

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. ~Fran Lebowitz

Games are too much work

2009-03-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

In my boredom I started playing my little Gameboy SP (not the DS, the previous one that no one knows about). In the middle of the game I felt more stressed than when I work, can you believe that? Games are so annoying now days, they're too much like real life and demand the exact same tedious things. It got so frustrating that the whole "fun" part of the game wasn't even there, so I turned it off and put it away, so much for entertaining me. And as for reading books for entertainment, I haven't read any lately, I'd feel guilty reading for fun when I should be reading for school.

"F. is for friends who do stuff together
U. is for you and me!
N. is for anywhere at anytime at all,
Down here in the deep blue sea!"
~ SpongeBob SquarePants

I am not a soup person

2009-03-28T14:41:00.001-07:00

Doesn't matter how much I eye soups, buy them, try them.. I hate them. Every single time I buy a canned soup thinking "Good, something quick I can eat before school/work" I end up throwing it away right after I cook it. They just taste gross: either TOO much flavor or not enough. So, because I'm so picky and weird, I ended up not eating anything before my shift today, so I'm hungry. Then, my break is being postponed cause a phone call just went right over it, so I'm starving. I'll just eat something stupid for my brake (if it's ever time for it!) and then cook myself something good when my shift ends. Longest call as of yet, 68 minutes = $17.

My favorite animal is steak. ~Fran Lebowitz

Everybody wants their own cooking show

2009-03-27T22:01:00.001-07:00

I am so bored it's not even funny.

It's not the worst thing in the world to only get the Food Network channel, until they start talking about seafood, I hate seafood. But, alas, there's nothing else to watch but disgusting shrimp and salmon be cooked over and over and over again (they ALWAYS cook the same things). Please please please cook chicken or pork!

So I'm bored, yeah... I just said that, I haven't been THIS bored in a while. It's this anxious type of boredom that eats me alive. There's nothing to do online, no one logged to instant message, clearly nothing to watch on tv, there are two essays I have to write, but I'm just not in the mood at all. It's times like these that I wish I had my beloved Guitar Hero or The Sims games! I feel like eating, like spending money, like... almost even cleaning. But no, I don't want to clean, I'll do that... later. I'll just watch something on Netflix, and yes, I get Netflix, I've become one of "them" (hey, it was either $9 a month for unlimited movies or $50 a month for cable, you tell me).

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. ~Jim Davis

The 6th sense

2009-03-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was pointed out that I don't have a sense of humor? I really thought I did. I mean, I know I'm a serious person, quiet, "you need to get out more" blah blah blah, but I also make jokes! I mean, I'm not a boring person.. so how important is having a sense of humor? I once read a book in which the main character talked about how his family had a great sense of humor. But not just a sense of humor, a REAL sense of humor. Apparently, according to him, sense of humor is hereditary. I don't know, I don't really care. I mean, I laugh at funny things, not lame ones, you tell me.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. ~Peter Ustinov

Ok, so this is my latest assignment

2009-03-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

For my nosy teacher's class, I now have to write about a personal secret. AT LEAST I don't have to tell her the secret, just write about a big secret I kept from someone and if:
1. I told the person, why did I do so? Did they react like I wanted them to? blah blah blah
2. Didn't tell the person, what's stopping me? Is it a good decision to not tell them? And more blah blah blah

Easy in the sense that I don't have to tell her, not like last time that I had to write about my personal/private relationship, but I'm having the hardest time of thinking of a secret... Ugh, I can't wait until this semester is over, all my classes suck! In my Media in Communications class all the tests are True or False (the worst kind), then I have Political Science (that one is self-explanatory), then this stupid Communications one that asks for every intimate detail of my life, and finally Modern Dance (my favorite... and it doesn't really count as a class, I have to pay $350 because of it...). This is just one of those suck-y semesters.

ANY WHO, and I'm going to stop my whining right here, thinking about my assignment (go ahead, think about it), was it easy for you to come up with a secret/relationship/blah blah blah?! Cause I'm taking forever to think about one.

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. ~Sarah Brown

Most of the reason I'm writing this blog today

2009-03-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

is because I'm bored.

My much anticipated dance class got cancelled so now I have to wait here for an hour and 50 minutes (hopefully, it'll be cut short) until my beloved boyfriend gets out of class.

Speaking about classes, there's one I really don't like at all. On the first day the professor told us that we needed to have a "mature" attitude when we came to class because some people would be sharing their own personal experiences in order to explain some of the topics from the class. Woo-hoo... Who would've known that when she said "some" people, she meant "ALL OF YOU NO EXCEPTION. IT'S PART OF THE CLASS IF YOU WANT TO PASS."

NOW, here's the big problem: I hate being forced to talk about myself, about MY private life, to a bunch of people I don't give a ****. It's like, day after day, assignment after assignment, we have to write and talk about our personal relationships and feelings, thoughts and experiences.. geez. It's stupid, it's annoying, it's unfair and it's riddikulus(the Harry Potter spell).

Make somebody happy today. Mind your own business. ~Ann Landers

Wrong Number

2009-03-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

If I had a dollar for every time I get a call not meant for me, I'd be so rich. It's become a daily thing. Well, today I got two, count them 1+1 = 2, wrong number calls. SERIOUSLY, are people stupid? Do they not know their own numbers or what the heck is going on?! I blame the 'contacts' thing from cell phones. Be completely honest: how many phone numbers do you know? A couple of years ago I knew all of my friends' phone numbers... but that was cause I would use my house phone to make the calls... so that required to know the number and not the name of the person. Now, I only know the obvious ones: my house number, my mom's cell phone, my bro's cell phone, and the boyfriend's. I don't really have that many friends, so I don't have to know anyone else's!

"If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have ONE DOLLAR!" ~Squidward Tentacles (from SpongeBob SquarePants)

One thing that reminds me of back home:

2009-03-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

America's Next Top Model.

Doesn't matter how stupid that sounds, and make fun of me if you want! But ANTM (like us fans call it) is one of those things that make me feel right at home, lying on that huge couch, watching that huge tv, on a warm afternoon. Only that I was sitting on a stupid gray-ish/brown-ish chair, watching the show from my laptop's small screen and with two shirts and long pants (cause it's cold)! Doesn't matter, it's one of those shows that just make you forget about all the stress of the day: about stupid work that pisses me off and tests my patience, about having school tomorrow all day along with my dance midterm, about having to go do groceries, about... hmm, I don't know, I forget.. I don't have that much stress now that I think about it.

Any who, big changes people, big changes soon. The time has come to make a big decision that's going to make things pretty interesting in the next year. So what to do?
First: freak out, no one likes to make big decisions.
Second: think about your options, and eventually pick one out.
Third: actually do what you decided.
Fourth: decide if it's a good decision in the first place!
Fifth: Convince yourself that it is, in fact, a good decision and that that's why it was one of your options.
And sixth: DO IT.

Ugh, I'm so lazy when it comes to "big" things (like.. doing homework, cleaning, and deciding my future!).

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. ~Author Unknown

A whole new type of patience

2009-03-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

I considered myself a (moderately) patient person, but holy cow this is REALLY pushing my buttons. On my feedback, I was told I actually had a lot of patience, which is great for the job (cause sometimes people ask to repeat a lot of things... a lot). But now it's like I can't take it anymore; I really REALLY have to try hard to not tell these people that they... SUCK. Yep, they do, they're stupid. They think that by pleading suddenly banks and collectors are going to do everything they want. I spent like 20 minutes telling the woman the exact same thing over and over, wow. I cannot wait until it's 5:00 pm, still 40 minutes to go. I have definitely reached my limit today. And let's not wait until Sunday, that's like the national day for morons to make all of their calls.

I just need to remind myself that the job isn't so bad, the pay is good, I work from the comfort of my own home. It's just these people that REALLY bother me. Now I know why employers are always asking for customer service experience, anyone who lasts long here is truly gifted.

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? ~Steve Polyak

I have been cursed

2009-02-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

by having no talent (and being easily distracted, but that's another story). Sometimes I wish I had "the ear" and play an instrument amazingly or "the eye" to be a great artist. I always find myself wanting to create something amazing and beautiful only to end up with meaningless noises and stick people. I think any chance I had of being able to do something artistically great was killed by my perfectionist ways. I figured, if I can't be perfect at it, then what's the point. I played piano for a little while and had the skill, but just knowing people younger than me were better was terrible, and acknowledging the fact that it was going to take me years to be as good as them was just a killer; so I quit soon after. And the same goes with German. Two months into it I realized I loved it, only to drop the class and decide it wasn't for me. If I couldn't master it as well as Spanish and English, then what's the point of learning it in the first place. Terrible way of viewing things, I know, but I also know I try my hardest for what I can.

As for being easily distracted, I have a paper due on Monday and I've been "writing it" for the past 3 hours... Introduction down, everything else still to go!

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. ~Leopold Stokowski

Busy + Busy =

2009-02-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's so hard to balance school and work. I bet Jeff will be like "Nah, you're exaggerating!" But do not take his word for it! He only has two classes... yeah... Well, I have four, so that's twice as much homework and chapters to read and, by the time I'm done with work, all I want to do is watch TV (so imagine if I actually had cable). We would get like 20 channels for free, for some weird reason, but I guess the company found out (after six months) and took it away! Now we only have:
1. Food Network. You can see it perfectly.. if only the shows were more interesting.
2. Sci Fi. Quality not so good, sound is good, shows are boring as hell.
3. Cartoon Network. My new best friend: quality is near terrible, sound is perfect, and shows are addicting!

So I've been pretty much watching Cartoon Network all this time... Goodbye House, Monk, America's Next Top Model (yes, I admit it, I watch it and I LIKE IT!). Special goodbyes to Law & Order: SVU (not CI, I hate CI), Family Guy, and Fox News. I'm gonna miss all of you!

Oh yeah, I was writing about school and work. Well, work is tiring, school is too, I wish they were easier/shorter time, the end.

They say that ninety percent of TV is junk. But, ninety percent of everything is junk. ~Gene Roddenberry

It was cold, it was free,

2009-02-17T15:01:00.000-08:00

and it was my birthday.

So I turned 20 on Monday (it was a holiday, that's how important that day was), and Jeff turned 23, man he's old! We celebrated at Disney cause it was free on our birthdays! We only paid for parking, but $12 compared to $172 (what you're SUPPOSED to pay), hey, who's going to complain!

So yeah, I'm old now, and I started working yesterday too. Remember that job I got hired for all the way back in November? Well, I FINALLY started! It's weird, it's kind of hard to get used to, but I'm finally getting the hang of it, and the pay isn't so bad either! Well, that's it for me, lots of great things this week (if you consider getting old a good thing). So what great things have been going around in your corner of the world?

God give me work, till my life shall end
And life, till my work is done.
~Epitaph of Winifred Holtby

Old habits die hard

2009-02-14T19:07:00.000-08:00

It's really hard to let go of something you've been doing for a long time, especially if it's been years.

Things that have really gotten me hooked for a long time are:
1. blogging (obviously) 3 years and counting!
2. quotes
3. favorite song lyrics saved in a file
4. The Sims games! (I managed to get myself out of that one after like 5 years and tons of money spent on games)

And, of course, things that are just plain habits I have include:
1. How I organize my clothes in closet: shorts, jackets, no-sleeve shirts, sleeved shirts, long-sleeved shirts, buttoned shirts, skirts, jeans, and dresses last.
2. I always carry anything (books, purse, backpack, groceries) on my left.
3. My order for doing the dishes: actual dishes, bowls, cups/glasses, pots and, finally, silverware.
4. Drive barefoot (if shoes are easy to take off of course).
5. When I go online, I always: check my Yahoo mail, then Hotmail, and finally Facebook, in that order.

That's the only things I can think of. So, if there's anyone who has lived with me around here, feel free to include your own or, should I say, my own bad habits.

The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change. ~Eng's Principle

I suck at receiving gifts

2009-02-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

There are two types of people in the world: those who love receiving gifts, and those who love to give them. Unfortunately, I'm the latter. For some reason of the world, I have a hard time whenever someone gets me something. I feel guilty, like I don't really need it or want it; even when I'm "supposed" to get a gift (you know, as in holidays), I still feel weird about it: "Oh! You shouldn't have! ... No, really, you shouldn't have." I enjoy giving them so much more, especially when you're not supposed to give gifts. Why is that? Why can't I receive a gift and allow myself to get spoiled by others?

P.S. Don't you think it's a little ironic that yesterday was Friday the 13th and now today is Valentine's Day?

The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of. ~Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1670

Most Annoying Things in the Classroom

2009-02-09T19:57:00.000-08:00

To all of us that have to sit in a classroom all day, listen to a teacher/professor talk the entire time, there are actually some things that can make that experience worse. In my years of being a student, I've only experienced these terrible moments twice, both in college:

1. Just sitting on my chair, I have the most unfortunate luck of having a guy sit behind me. What's so bad about that? Well, he seems to be breathing kind of hard... panting, to be exact. I can hear him breathing, but wait, I can FEEL his breath hit the back of my neck. E-W.

2. Now this one I'm never going to forget. I was sitting on a Humanities class, and this guy was sitting in front of me; no harm there, nothing wrong so far. As I stare onto his neck, I notice his shirt rides down just a little bit to reveal the most disgusting (and, dare I say it, BIGGEST) pimple I have ever seen in my life. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, he starts to play with it!

From now on, I take special care to only sit behind or in front of girls, forget guys and their disgusting habits!

Macho doesn't prove mucho. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

I find it weird how people joke about not knowing things.

2009-02-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

If it were me, I'd feel a bit embarrassed about not knowing something so simple, or at least acknowledge the fact that I don't know and not just joke about it. It's kind of ignorant in a way. In class today I realized how much professors (especially) joke about things they don't seem to know much about (languages, countries, customs). At first I thought it was funny too, but now it's just plain annoying. It's like sacrificing a bit of knowledge for the jokes in order to make a class fun?

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle

Conversation Topics That Make Me Feel OLD

2009-01-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

I am 17 days away from turning 20, but some conversation topics have me feeling like I'm soon to turn 40!

Money Problems: With the boyfriend, being broke, and living in such a small apartment, the frustration and stress are not so easy to avoid. We want to get a bigger place (note: we're living in a studio.. not even a one bedroom), but if we can barely afford this place, imagine someplace bigger! Also, we'd like some money to actually go out, everything always goes to rent, food, electricity and internet, the four most important things for survival.

The Toilet Seat: My mom told me that this was the never-ending argument, that I shouldn't expect the boyfriend to put down the toilet seat any time soon. Seriously, why oh why do parents not teach their kids to put down the toilet seat? That's like chewing with your mouth open, only that instead of the food going in.. well, you get the idea.

Cookware: Only when I started to cook almost every day did I actually start thinking about cookware. I want new pots, pans, silverware, plates, cups, EVERYTHING. Not that what I have I don't like, it's just that... well, I want better ones! But, without money, I'm stuck with these ugly guys that kind of make it hard to cook! Imagine using a pot as a mixing bowl...

There's probably more but the boyfriend finished cooking dinner (amazing, I know!).

The future is no place to place your better days. ~Dave Matthews

I am sore

2009-01-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

In my attempt to get more active... well, to get active, I decided to take a dance class this semester. Dare I say I can be influenced by the media: it all started when I read a book in which the character was a ballet dancer, and so on. Still, I have an extremely good reason for taking dance: it's exercise without the boring part; the soreness part is still there though, that's for sure. So what are YOU up to these days?

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. ~Ellen DeGeneres

How to Appreciate

2009-01-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

Don't you just hate it when your life just passes you by? All the time we say we should appreciate things more, moments and people, but every single time it feels like a blink of an eye and that was it. Often I feel guilty if it feels like things went by too fast, I feel I didn't appreciate it like I was "supposed" to. But HOW do you appreciate? Do you "cherish" every moment? Is that even possible? Should you write it down, what you did every day, in order to keep a good track of the good times you spent?

Spending a little over a month back at home and now being back, it's like things just kept on going, like if no time had passed at all, in both places. I get home after six months and everything was the same; I was worried things would have changed, but they hadn't. And now that I left and am back at the apartment, it's like I hadn't left at all in the first place. Are you supposed to keep on going like nothing? How do we appreciate things and make those feelings and experiences last longer?

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb

I know holding grudges is stupid

2009-01-10T12:01:00.000-08:00

but I just feel, at this point in my life, that I am not up for taking crap from anyone. I feel I don't have to keep forgiving people because they're stupid. We're old, we're at a new level, those childish acts and attitudes should've been left behind ages ago.

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde

As I was walking up the stairs

2009-01-09T11:13:00.001-08:00

I had the most unfortunate experience of stepping and killing a cute little baby lizard. It was fate that he was going to die young anyways, he was living on our second floor, nowhere near the outside world. I feel bad cause I kept thinking about my friends and how I feel they ditched me yet again and, when I looked down and under my right foot, there it was, dead. A totally undeserving, painful and embarrassing death... oh well. Here's a picture not for the faint of heart.

We are never prepared for what we expect. ~James A. Michener, Caravans

The Opposite of the Oh-So-Loved Tooth Fairy

2009-01-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

is the stupid dentist. As a child, I loved going to the dentist: I loved getting my teeth extra clean, play video games in the waiting room, watch Disney movies while they cleaned my teeth and, of course, the sugar-packed lollipop that made you have a cavity on the next visit. As an adult though, I hate going to the dentist. They stop charming you the minute you go in, instead, they lecture you for not flossing every single day twice, or not brushing three times a day, eating sweets and even wearing lipstick before your appointment. They punish you by making your teeth EXTRA clean, NOTHING gets left behind, not even the blood from your suffering gums. I swear, if they keep treating us like beasts mutilating our mouths, by the time we reach adulthood, we'll have no teeth or gums left at all.

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. ~David Richerby

I sometimes wish a camera crew followed me around all day

2009-01-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

My life isn't THAT interesting: I'm not famous, I'm not rich, I'm not "troubled" or "gifted", I'm not a slut, I'm not living in a developing country, and I'm especially not bisexual (those seem to get a lot of tv shows nowdays). But I sometimes wish I did have that invasion of privacy, having my life filmed 24/7 (or as long as they usually film) so that I could check back on a lot of things, you know, make sure of who said what, where and when. I bet that's the only thing that actually comes in handy to all of those famous reality tv stars (or losers if you ask me).

It's the menace that everyone loves to hate but can't seem to live without. ~Paddy Chayevsky

Viewer Discretion is Advised

2009-01-05T18:42:00.001-08:00

In my boredom last week I stumbled upon the History Channel; something about the search for modern monsters, like Bigfoot and giant squids. Commercials go on and the mention of the oh-so-infamous year 2012. Due to my ignorance I thought they were talking about the number 2,012, but later I found out they meant the YEAR 2012 and Armageddon and Nostradamus and the end of the world and blah blah blah. Curiosity, of course, has me watching the shows and getting freaked out. Ok, first of all, I have to admit that all the things are kind of scary. But, then again, the only reason they find all these "things" written in old scriptures and whatnot is because they are LOOKING for them. Who ISN'T going to find the world "war" in the Bible by taking letters here and there? Might as well look for my name as well! So now I don't want to watch it, but it's either that or The Secret Life of the American Teenager, it's some stupid show about a girl who got pregnant at 15 by an idiot. So it's either that crap, which I'm embarrassed to admit I've seen every single show due to a marathon yesterday, or the end of the world in 2012...

FAMILY GUY IS ON CHANNEL 8!!

Finally, something GOOD.

P.S. Also, if the world is going to end, why not end it now and wait 3 more years?

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money. ~Cree Indian Proverb

I think I take things too personally

2009-01-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day, and as much as I try to have a sense of humor, I think I take things too personally. I've had some incidents where I just stop talking to people because of some stupid remark. Seriously, how can they NOT know it was going to offend someone? Back in the first couple of weeks of school last semester, this guy I barely knew at all started telling me to punish him for being late for class.

"Go on, punish me, punish me hard."

WOW.

And I've also had friends cross the line big time, like a friend once told me to smell my own fart. I'm sorry, that's just wrong. I may not say anything at the moment, but I'm also not saying anything to them now. Why do people like crossing lines and testing our patience?

I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest. ~Steven Pearl

About phones and their greatness

2009-01-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

You know why I hate cell phones? Because they make us too available to everyone. Before, people had to call the house, and maybe, just MAYBE, you'd answer the phone. You didn't know who it was or, better yet, you weren't home to answer it in the first place. But these days we have no excuse whatsoever. So I decide to not answer my phone for an entire day (except the beloved boyfriend's) and I'm tracked down with calls and text messages one right after the other. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK. The cell phone gives us the luxury of knowing who's calling, and the luxury of deciding on answering it. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE, AND I CHOOSE NOT TO!

Cell phones are the latest invention in rudeness. ~D.H. Mondfleur

Happy Next Month

2008-12-31T18:28:00.000-08:00

Right now I wish the remote for my radio worked, so I could turn it off. It broke cause I left the batteries in and didn't use it for a long time. You know how people always warn you when you're a kid, but do you listen? No. So now I'm stuck with bad music, unless I get up to change it of course (which I'm not doing).

Besides the fact that I'm apparently going to receive the next month with bad music, I'm happy to inform that I'm not conforming to the whole "party-scene" new year's has. It's another day! I like to view time like a timeline, wow, it actually has the word "time" in it. But I know a lot of people like to see it as.. I don't know, a huge down and then up back there in January, I don't know how to describe it, but you hopefully get the idea. So, basically, I'm home, in my pj's, sitting on my bed, using my macbook, listening to 105.7 FM, my hair is a mess, my nail polish is chapped, my leg itches, and I don't care. Let's bring on the new year as I would any other day!

P.S. I DO feel inclined to write about everything that happened this year but hey, I didn't get up to turn off the radio, what makes you think I'm going to write about that!

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling;
He who makes one is a fool.
~F.M. Knowles